Following much anticipation, I spent Friday and Saturday at a women’s Living Proof Live conference listening to Beth Moore teach the II Kings 18-19 story of Hezekiah and Sennecherib. Her amazing sense of transparency blended perfectly with well-prepared teachings, as she shared insight about the power of fear, appropriate rebelliousness, and boldness in the face of overwhelming odds.
In addition, she discussed the power of negative words that have been spoken over us and the influence they have throughout our lives; it was here that I personally gleaned the most. While I try to portray a together, carefree, happy-go-lucky life, I’ve always battled internal conflict between who I longed to be and who I seemed to be. Throughout my past, I have memories of people I looked up to, who have told me that I would never be what I dreamed of, I could not be trusted, I did not truly have a call on my life, the world would be better off without me, and that everything I’ve experienced in God was a lie, because God would not communicate with a person of my nature and character.
We all experience rejection, disappointment, or a general sense of failure at some point in our lives. However, the source and circumstances of these experiences is an indicator of how greatly we allow these events to dictate our thought processes.
While I have heard many people say great, positive words over me, I suppose it was the level of the high value that I placed on these people, that allowed their negative words to influence me so greatly. Because I trusted their judgement and respected their positions, these views of me molded my view of myself. It was here in this place of turmoil, that I found the need to recognize that the memories, words, or actions that haunt me do not dictate who I am; my core is not the sum of my experiences; they may revolve around me, but they do not define me.
This was not the first time I’ve heard this teaching – but this time I clearly had a fresh understanding of my identity in Christ, a view that stood above all my previous self-visions. This new look was welcome and freeing – an experience I’ve been longing for for quite some time.
I’ve recently been studying Biblical grace and mercy, and I’ve been overwhelmed at what I’ve found. It is through these amazing gifts from God that we are free to truly live, beyond the barriers that we or others have placed upon ourselves. By grasping to this amazing, liberating understanding that God loves us, period, my life changed. He loves us, not because of our performance, not because of adherence to rules or guidelines, not because we love him. He simply loves us, first. Period.
The thoughts that have haunted me are not who I am, nor who I was. I am, have been, and always will be God’s child, his love.
Can we be any freer?
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