A friend when you need one

It’s amazing how God always knows exactly what you need, when you need it.

This past year has been an extraordinarily crazy one. There were amazing highs of excitement and devastating depths of depression. And everywhere in between. Over and over again I felt totally alone and prayed for someone to communicate with. Not necessarily to cry on their shoulder or gain great gems of wisdom. Just someone to sip a cup of tea with and chat about scripture or prayer; just to get my mind off of my reality. But no one came.

Awhile back, I decided that every time I felt miserable I’d send out emails or cards, leave voice mails to people, trying to be to others what I wanted for myself. This year I’ve sent out a record number of cards and emails. I’ve called leaders and friends, acquaintances and a couple of times, complete strangers. Still I felt alone.

The culmination of my stress came in this past two months. First, I work for BP, a company currently undergoing a tremendous amount of stress and public scrutiny, so the pressured environment at work increased with uncertainty. Second, I’ve been dealing with my grandmother’s illness, which seems to have become highly personal and emotional. Third, our small church plant has experienced the joy and pain of growth lately – a great problem. All of this, and a great deal more, threw me into a tailspin as I began to realize that the only stable force in my life is God.

My stress compounded in mid-September while I was attending a Women Training Women workshop in Anchorage, held at a local church. It was a great time of learning and networking, yet as I was in seeking new ways to reach and minister to the women in my church and community, inwardly I was dying.

It happened to be six month anniversary of the loss of our only child, Will, who died a week before the finalization of his adoption. After ten years of failed adoptions, he was our sure thing; our beautiful son. We were shell-shocked and I was devastated and broken with grief. His death occurred this past February during an annual minister’s conference that my husband and I were attending. Because of the timing, I quickly learned to hide my sorrow and tried to bravely remain silent. I'm sure there were those who thought I was aloof, snobby, or just shy. The truth was, I was desperately trying to function, walk, eat, and breathe without sobbing uncontrollably. There we were, with family, friends, and ministers surrounding us and no one, not even those who knew about our loss, spoke to us about how we were doing as church planters, people new to a remote state, or a couple who just buried their dream. We went to the services, attended the morning sessions, and ate meals with an entire group of people who were supposed to care about us, but never detected that my husband and I were dead people walking.

Six months later, there I was again: chatting with the speakers, taking notes in the classes, and sharing ideas with the attendees, when inside I simply wanted to crawl into a corner, curl up into a ball and weep. This is when God finally answered my prayers for an unlikely friend. She was a speaker at the conference, and is the Women’s Ministry leader for the Colorado Southern Baptist Convention. As we began to speak about ministry, she immediately detected that something was amiss. Our conversation quickly shifted and soon it became clear that God had provided me with the connection that I needed.

Then, Tuesday He did it again.

I was having a particularly bad day and simply wanted someone to pray with me. Not necessarily for me, but someone that I could join together with as a force of two instead of one. So, I decided to track down my wonderful friend Mary Loudermilk, a woman of authentic honesty, courage, and wisdom. After numerous phone calls, I found her in a hotel in Columbus, Ohio and tentatively dialed her number.

When she answered the phone, I apologized for not staying in touch like I should have. Many reasons. No excuses. But I told her that right now, I just needed her prayers. She didn’t ask questions, interrogate me, or berate me for my lack of communication. It just so happened that another amazing woman and friend, Gwyn Oakes, was chatting with her at the time, and instantly the two of them got on the phone and began to pray with me. It was exactly what I needed. All of this time, God knew when, where, who, and how.

It once again showed me that we are never truly alone, although we may not see anyone around us. Why God chose for my support team to be located in areas thousands of miles from me, I don’t know. But He did. And I’m simply grateful.